Oh, no.

That’s what I said when I learned that my Aunt Jo passed away this week. That’s also what I said when I learned that my friend, Doreen, lost her mother, just one day later.

Living on the Outer Banks has been a blessing. I live near the ocean, which seems to ground me. I get to experience amazing acts of nature, like the hatching of endangered sea turtles and dolphins racing in the surf. I see awesome expressions of God like the sunrise this morning. (OK, skip the fact that this may only be the 4th sunrise that I have ever seen.) I live in a small community that has afforded me the opportunity to meet some really amazing people.

It also means that I am far from home. From my family. From my friends. From my roots.

I can’t lie. I’m grateful to be out of reach some of the time, but when push comes to shove, I really hate having to skip the good stuff like my niece’s 1st dance recital, Laurie’s big summer party, Valerie’s Baptism, Katherine’s first day of school, helping Carol move into her new shop (whoa, that’s labor. Skip that one). Anyway, you get what I’m trying to say.

I also have to miss the the sad, horrible stuff like funerals. This week I missed 2. No good. I know that everyone understands that I’m not within arm’s reach. I know that my family did a great job of expressing my sympathies to my cousins. I know that Doreen knew I was there in thought. But is that enough?

So, here goes.

My Aunt Jo was an incredibly strong, brave, independent woman. She always dressed well, had her nails done, and wore a lot of jewelry. It seemed like she had a million kids, who had a million kids of their own. Their immediate family always seemed so big to me. She and my father used to dance in contests when they were in school – I wish I could have seen that. My mother joined her in running the NJ Certified Medical Assistants Society like the mafia. POWER! :-) When I graduated from high school, she have me a key ring for my car keys. She told me it was gold. I told her it was brass. She said, “What? You just graduated from high school and fuckin’ think you know everything?!” She was funny that way. I loved her deeply.

Dolores, Doreen’s mom, was also a strong woman. She was divorced and raised 3 children. That was a job in itself. I remember she let Doreen have a rabbit, Thumper. She let Doreen stay out later than I was allowed. She got me hooked-up with my first paper route. She always seemed so cool to me. She choreographed our elementary school musicals, and helped us with our, “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves” routine for the talent show. I remember, when Doreen and I were little, making Mother’s Day cards in art class. My card said, I’m sure, “Happy Mother’s Day.” Her card said, “Happy -ER Day.” You see, her brothers had already claimed MO and TH, leaving ER for the little sister. How weird that THAT sticks in my head.

I hope this is the last of the “Oh, no’s” for a long while. Rest in Peace, Jo and Dolores. Keep an eye on me.