The Salesperson Almost Lost His Life

It’s not not often that Chip wants to go shopping. Today was not one of those days, but since it’s Columbus Day weekend, we decided to head over to Belk to pick-up some shorts. “Sale shorts. Shorts on sale. That’s it. I’m not running all over looking at everything. You got it?” (Yes, I have it, Dear.)

Needless to say, there was a shallow selection of shorts. He tried on 5 pair, and decided on 2. Not too shabby for a non-shopper. Then, despite his own warning, Chip decides to look at shirts. Now, if you know Chip, he’s not exactly a small guy. He works out, and has a substantial upper bod. He picks out 2 button-down shirts, XL, and we’re off to the register before I get a chance to get distracted. Easy, right? Um, not so much.

We get home and he, like a kid with new school clothes, has to rip all the tags off and get them into the laundry so he can wear them right away. RIGHT AWAY! It’s only after this ritual that he decides to try on one of the new shirts. Of course it’s too tight. And not a little too tight, a whole lotta’ too tight. It’s then that Chip says he’s going to stop going to the gym because none of his clothes fit right. Funny, all of my inner dialog about changing my body never includes details like working out less!

So, we head back to Belk’s for the exchange. He heads to one rack, I head to the other in order to minimize the time we need to spend at the store. I begin the drama by shouting, “HEY! DO YOU NEED AN XXL OR BIGGER?!” It’s important to note that I thought this was really funny. After I recovered from the hex of the evil eye, we both came to the same conclusion – no XXLs. Drat.

We waited on line at the register, one of us patiently, when Chip decides to ask the salesman for help. “Excuse me? Do you know if these shirts come in … whisper voice… anything bigger than an XL?”

Wait for it…

“No,” he says with a smile, “that’s really a young men’s cut.”

To which Chip responded… wait for it… “Wow. That hurts me a little.”

The poor man looked-up, and saw Chip in all of his bald head and muscularness, and shrunk about 6 inches. Then the crowd turned to look at him, and they all started to crack-up. I mean, REALLY crack-up!

You have to love it. And him.

On a personal note, I wish that the reason my clothes didn’t fit because I was too fit! Cripes!