I worked for MCI/MCI WorldCom/WorldCom for 8 years. If you knew me then you will know that leaving there was not easy. I struggled with the thought of quitting for months. Right after the new year, I realized that it was inevitable and spoke to Chip about leaving. I had no new job lined up, but was totally miserable. He gave me the “OK” and I gave my resignation with 2 months notice. Everyone was shocked, including myself, but I prepared for my departure in a professional and caring manner. I loved my immediate team and it was heartbreaking to think of leaving my MCI family. But I did. I worked there for 8 years.
Chip & I had just moved into a new house in November, I gave my notice in December, and couldn’t find a job. Then Chip had his rotator cuff surgery and things become more tense. I cried non-stop. Nothing made sense or made me happy. There was no “light.” I was tense all the time. Everything made me miserable. I made Chip miserable. Then I left and moved out of the house and ran home to NJ. It was February 14th. (I know that’s Valentine’s Day. Ugly, right?)
One I got there, I spent a little time working for Carol. I really, really liked it at her shop. I had fun and was surrounded by people who supported me – physically and mentally. She was WAY too patient with me, but let me work through the pain in my own, wrong way. Soon after I took a job working for Susanne. I really, really liked it there, too. I found a new place where I was valued for my skills and I was genuinely LIKED… by engineering geeks (+Sue)! While I was in NJ I continued to work on things/expectations/goals/issues with Chip, and we eventually got engaged.
I left NJ and moved to the OBX.
I know I have said this a lot, but I really like where I live. The Outer Banks are beautiful. There are good, caring, kind people here. Unfortunately, the job market SUCKS. There is no work here. I was lucky to fall into a job with a big real estate company and then transitioned into my current position as a sales/publisher for a real estate magazine.
Right at this very moment, things are not so great. The market is down so my contracts are dwindling. I have unbelievable credit card debt that I have been paying on… well, forever. I made a ginormous mistake in my checkbook recently and had too many overdraft charges to actually count. I have been moody and frustrated and fragile. I’m in Siberia and have been for 2+ weeks, because I “have a nasty tone.” I have a colonoscopy scheduled for mid-February because my stomach is a wreck and I can’t stay out of the bathroom (TMI, sorry). My household is increasingly testing my patience ) or lack thereof). I have more frequent headaches. Things are spiraling out of control and I can’t seem to get anything balanced.
And… it’s right on the edge of my 8 Year Itch.
I feel a little like I did back then; a little hopeless, a lot frustrated, and missing my friends and family a lot more than normal. I’m not insane like I was back then; crying non-stop, jumbled thoughts, lashing out, spending sprees, and lurking in the dark places of my imagination. I didn’t cancel Christmas this year (although we didn’t put up decorations). My last bought was medication worthy – I know that now. I’m not ready for that right now, but I am trying to hold on to the good stuff and work on the bad stuff. I’m trying to be a participant in my ricochet back to the “light.” I am using my positive resources (friends) and making lists and checking them twice. I am trying to eat my frogs early in the day (that’s the bad stuff that you know you HAVE to do, but don’t want to).
Something has GOT to give. Or break. But it better not be me.
1 comment:
If you reread your statements, sounds like all this issues you have now are related to the stress. What's the answer, less stress. But with things the way they are, that's not the solution. Right now, that's the only thing I can think of to say. You have got to get a hold on the $, that will help. Love you anyway,
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