Aw, Whatever

If I even began to tell you about how my last few week shave been, you’d never believe me. I’ll try to give you the Reader’s Digest version.

Does the Reader’s Digest still exist? Things that make you go, “Damn, I am getting old. The ‘kids’ will have no idea what that means.”

• In the past 2 years, my car has broken down, oh, a million times. There’s been a drain in the battery which resulted from something that I did (AKA: “Don’t Put Crap Up In Your Vanity Visor So The Light Can’t Go Out"). The last heavy weight bought with the Service Manager almost landed me in jail/psych ward last week. It may, or may not, be fixed now. Every time I get in the car I prepare for a breakdown.
• Last week my cell phone decided to send all of my text messages, one of which was a heads-up about the death of someone’s mom, into a black text hole. No good. Not acceptable. No way, Jose’. After countless hours on hold with Verizon Customer Service, they hung-up on me. That was about the time that patience was disconnected from my emotional repertoire. After the 4th call, I was sent to my local Verizon store for a “flash” (I WISH!) and was THEN told that I had to go to Elizabeth City for the prescribed “flash.” E.C. is more than an hour away. At some point during THAT rant, I was told to “Go back where I came from.” Yeah, that didn’t help matters at all. You can take the girl outta’ Jersey…
• I had a nice visit with my Gyn., Dr. Kling. Why does he have to have such a squirrely name? Anyway, I was describing how I have been feeling lately, and by “lately” I mean the past 4 months, he said, “I have a pill for that.” Nice! He said, “How many weeks of the month do you have these episodes of short-temper, mood swings, irritability, depression, crying for silly reasons, fatigue….” Um, FOUR?! I said, “2.” He said, “Oh, you poor dear.” Poor dear? That was one of the nicest things that anyone has said to me lately. I am pitiful!
• One of my BEST friends sent my husband a really, really funny birthday card. In it she wrote something along the lines of, “I can’t believe you’ve made it this long after fighting fires, dealing with your parents…” and… wait for it…”… and Colleen.” Chip thought that was hysterical – that MY best friend would call me out like that. She “clearly knew” the REAL me. To that I say, CAROL MARTIN-MAGEE IS A BITCH. (Ha. I feel better now! :-) <3 you, Car. You DO know the real me!)
• To top things off, I misplaced my wedding band this morning, and Chip and I looked all over for it. The longer we looked, the closer I was to breaking down. So, I did what anyone would do, I called a Psychic. With her help we found it, but it was not a good sitch.

On the UP side, I did go to the gym today and didn’t see the skinny wench with the shorty-shorts and tight tank top. Yay for me.