Saturday, Feb 2, 2008

Ah, Saturdays. I just love 'em. I had every intention of staying in bed all day long, catching-up on the TV shows I recorded all week. My huband (still funny to say) and my FIL are in Baltimore for a softball Bull Roast, and a Super Bowl festivus. I dreamed of couch surfing and skipping over ESPN and Fox News for a few days.



No so fast. You see, I am on Old Lady Patrol. My MIL and Aunt Mable are here to tend to. We have had several experiences with medical malfunctions (if you know me you know what this means. Insert the "yuck" face here -> ____.) Aunt Mable is either mad at Mo, or mad at me, or mad at someone that isn't here because she's been in a snit all day. Is "snit" a word? If it's not, you know what it must mean so no grammar police citations, please. This afternoon was the sad face followed by, "I want to go home."



I can't imagine what their lives must be like. How awful it must be to exist in skin that you really don't recognize anymore. To not be able to move like you want to. To not be able to think like you want to, or drive, or jump up and down, or take a walk on the beach.



It's frustrating and sad and annoying and funny and all things rolled into one. I really do try to do what I can. Sometimes I can't help but roll my eyes and think, "MY GOD! JUST GET UP and DO IT." Maybe they really can't. That is heartbreaking.



Who will care for me when I am old? Will I even get the chance to BE old? I remember Chip's grandfather, Leon, and he used to sit and say, "I pray that this is the day that he Lord takes me." That was always hard to hear. The selfish, evil part of me always thought, "After all we do for you, you want to DIE?" How ugly and unattractive. On my clearer days, I saw into this thinking - the body is failing & you don't remember where you left anything. Everyone you once loved is dead. Not just away, but DEAD. Long ago friends, family, pets - ugh. Lonely. He was a week away from his 104th birthday. No typo there: 1-0-4. I loved him.



And here we are as a society, living longer and taking this pill and that drug to heal. To recover. To prolong. What lies ahead? Technology is advancing us and, I feel, that we take 100 steps back. No one calls on the phone or visits- they e-mail. I e-mail. No one says "thank you" like their supposed to- they're too busy to be grateful. Seldom do we shop for that perfect gift- we just gift card and check it off the list.



I'm not sure how I changed lanes - I'm just writing. What was I talking about?



Anyway, life is a slippery slope and I'm here with the old gals. The TV is SOOOO loud I can't think and I'm a floor up! Tonight I have the pleasure of helping to clean out the refridgerator downstairs. Friday, Mable told me that, if she had enough money she'd give it to me so I didn't have to work anymore. Hand me that checkbook, sister! You've GOT the cash!! HA HA!! What a back & forth exisitence we have.



I think after we get home from our planned Sunday breakfast out, that I may dognap one of the 4-legged kids and go to the beach for a stay. Maybe the sun will shine into me and help to dissapate the gray that I am feeling. Or maybe I'll just eat some ice cream. That always seems to help! :-)



Good night.